It's Not As Bad As It Seems;

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

meet my new idol

caught X-Men III last nite with sam and gang.
Gosh, wat can i say, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) was simply, simply the MAN.
he's totally charismatic, and charming, yet dangerous and abit wise at the same time.
he makes my heart beat faster.
i tink wolverine is hot. well, not hugh jackman, wolverine. cos well, the man behind the character, hugh jackman looks totally gorgeous, i like the character better.
but sadly, tis time round, its more action, less plot and less character development.
darn. i tink ive grown up, in the sense now when i watch movies, i look out for more than the looks. of cos, looks still matter to me, its way up there on my checklist. but now, when i watch a movie, i look out for how the character is developed, the plot, the twists. of cos, im at the stage where i realise i actually have got limited amount of cash, i go for movies with a good storyline to begin with. sorry, i digress. anyway, ya, thank goodness i watched the 1st 2 installments of X-Men, so im abit farmiliar with the characters. wolverine is good as a fren. he is an unique person, who is more of a follower of the heart than the head. he's good. thou at times he can be rash and watsnot, but he's man. i like!
but the love of my life, ok, idol of my life, at the current moment has got to be Bobby Drake, aka, Ice-Man. i tink he looks good! and cool! (pun intended. haha)
oh, swoon. jus swoon can.

thou i didnt really approve of wat he did. (he got abit too frenly to kitty for my liking, when he was still with rogue.) the character is aimed to kill the young ones out there. i know he is jus there for that purpose! hugh jackman for the ladies and shawn ashmore (tats the actor playing ice-man) for the girls. the character is sauve and cool, but level-headed as well. he knows the right from wrong, as far as the big issues are concerned. but down to the normal, human level, he is jus like any normal person. Rogue's powers are she WILL absorb the powers or life force out of anyone she has skin contact with. rogue n ice-man are together, but can u imagine to not even be able to even hold the other person's hand? or even someting as general and simple as a handshake? he and rogue are together and can u imagine, not even the slightest contact. gosh. not to say humans need to satisfy their carnal desires, but then i tink contact is very important, not even for like a couple, but a person in general. studies have shown that kids who got alot of hugging and kisses when they were really tiny, like toddlers, grow better than those who did not receive any contact.
so, anyway, i tink tats the whole zhong dian about y ice-man might have been abit "swayed", thou im not sure if he really was swayed or was he jus being nice to kitty. and the other zhong dian being y rogue resents her powers so much. cos she is devoid contact.

and yeh, i could go on and one about the characters in the show, but the 2 leading men for me, ive already talked bout them.
when i go back home im so gonna buy X-men 2 the dvd. i've got the 1st installment i tink. its one of the trilogies i tink im collecting.
so far ive got Infernal Affairs I, II, III and The Lord Of The Rings I, II, III. tink im gonna collect X-Men Series and Mission Impossible too! and oh oh! Harry Potter! im gonna get the DVDs, or at least the pirated cds. haha.. cos harry potter too many to collect liaoz. should have 7 movies in the franchise leh! no $$$ as mentioned above! heh. anymore movies tat u sugges i collect? well, let me say 1st, the Matrix is trilogy but at the current moment, not keen, cos its too cheem and abstract for me liao. gimme someting simplier. gimme someting with looks man. haha

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 9:29 pm.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Honoured. Or Not?

well, wat can i say. ive gotten over my initial shock and displeasure at seeing MY blogpost, EXCATLY THE SAME ENTRY, down to the grammer, in SOMEONE ESLE'S blog. i dun care if the guilty-as-charged person is reading tis post or not, because, its my blog, my say.
i mean, come on. im stingy, i admit. i DO NOT like to share my tings, especially MY blog entry.
Come On! a blog is a place for me to dump MY thoughts and feelings. It's MINE. geddit?!
how can anyone jus copy and paste MY entry and post it on THEIR'S? the least u could do is to give ME credit and acknowledge ME! but no, u didnt. u jus copy and paste. FULL STOP. im not sure wat are u doing...its obviously not YOUR own work.
Havnt you heard of PLAGARISM, darling?!
From Dic.com, Plagiarism:
n 1: a piece of writing that has been copied from someone else and is presented as being your own work 2: the act of plagiarizing; taking someone's words or ideas as if they were your own.

its the entry about mr wong, my maths teacher in sec sch who passed away recently. i mean, come on! the person's dead! the least u could do is to write your OWN post, with YOUR own heart-felt feelings. ppl die liao. the least u could do is to come up with smt ORIGINAL to remember him by. NOT copy and paste from other people. wats the point of copying from other people? its obviously not wat YOU felt. ok, mayb u feel tat way too. but thats wat i wrote, i poured my heart and soul into it. U. if u feel the same way as me, u can write the same content. BUT NOT COPY WORD FOR WORD. the zhong dian is: by copying someone else's entry bout other's passing is very wrong. just copying n paste from me makes mr wong look v cheap. like he was oso our mutual maths teacher but you cant be bothered to give your own tots n feelings regarding his death. 人家都死了， 1 last final goodbye oso cant be bothered to say properly. *rolleyes*

was toking to wen last nite, complaining y the hell did it happen.
his reply was:
ME: isnt it PLAGIARISM!?
HIM: nvm la. she is irritating. tat means she have been reading ur blog. haha. tat means ur blog got ppl read. ( is tis the part where im supposed to feel honoured?! i still cant make up my mind.)
HIM: and ur blog is gd then she copy . she not chim enuf to write like u ma.
ME: Haha. that sounds good. now im feeling abit better. =)
HIM: and if she has been reading ur blog. u can scold her in ur blog.
ME: yeh man! im gonna do tat! hmmp!
HIM: write something like this. blogs are meant to be personal, if u cannot write from ur heart and write wat other ppl says, then maybe u should stop writing blogs and put other ppls blog as ur own. its not easy being original.
ME: haha. tat sounds evil. but u've got a point too.

the bottom line is, at least i know ppl reads my blog. and my entries are obviously nice/good enough for ppl to rip off and replicate somewhere else. shd i feel honoured, or not?

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 7:19 pm.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

not studying

Wenz is not doing her assignment like she should.

Wenz is just waiting for the time to pass like THAT.

Wenz is wasting time when there isnt much time left.

Wenz is snacking like no one else's business, as usual when she is stressed, which seems to be often the case lately.

Wenz needs therapy now, Motivation Therapy.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 11:36 pm.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Val, again.

jus a quick post here...
msn with val a couple of days ago, and i cant believe it! it felt just like yesterday i spoke to her!
there wasnt a time lag or anyting and we picked up from just where we left!
so glad, cos after sec4, we never really toked again.
but we connected, jus like we were sitting next to each other in class!
Val, u r my guardian angel in class! (private joke. haha)
u were my fren in class.
we worked hard together and we walked the entire journey of sec 3/1 and 4/1 together.
we had tis bond. it was unique. i guess cos we had similar interests and we were in the same class etc.
its hard to describe. i felt close to u. i tink u understand me, in the most intangible way.
Lun know me inside out.
Ly is someone i can pour my heart out.
Seow and Shah are my brudders.
the list can go on and on, like this:
....
....
....
and u.
i tink u kinda noe me. we connected in another manner. after the msn and the webcam session, mayb cos u didnt see me or tok to me in a long long while, u could sense a change in me. the me u saw a few days ago is another me. its a totally different stage altogether. because u were not with me along the way, i guess u could better sense it.
its like im a tree and seeing the same tree 4 years again, u can really see the change. as compared to seein the tree grow everyday.
U said i seem to have lost my spark. i tink i noe wat spark u mean. but then again, because its so abstract, im not REALLY sure too. haha.
the spark i tink i lost over time, i tink its part of growing up. i cant do and say things whenever i feel like it, becos the world is not forgiving to the honest.
i cant show my dislike nor my disdain, becos i will find myself to be the bane of society and outcast myself.
i also tink im stronger than in the past, thanks to alot of "misfortunes" and lessons, esp in sec sch. i swear, thanks to vb, i acquired more than a skill.
i got long-lasting frens.
i learnt to be thick-skin [vballers,u noe wat im toking bout! =)]
i learnt to not cry over someting i Cannot control. (i try not to anyway.)
i learnt, when no one gives a shit about me, the more i must not let myself down.
i learnt to make sure i can answer to myself at the end of the day.
the list could go on.
but because of wat i learnt, jus on court,
i believe im a stronger person than the unsuspecting, naive teenager at age 13.
val said she tot im somehow a little different and not so carefree, happy-go-lucky.
i tink its because of all these lessons and more, which mold me into who i am today.
val, during the msn conv, u said i was one of the few close frens u had in sec sch.
its a promise renewed, then.
to be frens (frens, not hi-bye type) again from now on. (try to, anyway.)
take care and dun lose urself too!

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 10:05 pm.

Monday, May 22, 2006

GoodBye Mr Wong Kiow

GOODBYE MR WONG KIOW.

you were my maths teacher in secondary 2.

you were also the discipline master during my time.

you liked to say "Chop Your Head Ah!" to us whenever we couldn't answer your questions, which was most of the time anyway.

YOU WILL BE DEARLY MISSED BY ALL.

Though I was never close enough to you,
you symbolise JSS in a certain manner,
you were an icon of my era.
Ask around, students age range 17 to as old as 35,(i suspect),
they will tell you,
yes,
they remember who Mr Wong Kiow is.

You have not made a big impact in my life,
but i know,
you have made a big impact to alot of other students.
You will be fondly remembered by all,
and we always will respect you.

You were a dedicated teacher, right till the end.
~Rest In Peace. ~

Crimson Rose = Mourning

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 8:31 pm.

my favourite flower...

my favourite flower is...
the Gerbera. It means "You are the sunshine of my life". according to tis webby anyway... http://www.prince.com.sg/meaningofflowers.asp

i love Gerberas...
i love them in vibrant, bright colours.
Give me
Orange, Pink, Red anytime.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 7:39 pm.

Friday, May 19, 2006

last 24hrs....

what if one could look into the future, and sees that he will die of heart attack in the next 24 hours?
what would one do?

(my ans is just off my head, without putting much thought into it.)
ME - i will gather all my loved ones and go to a studio and take pictures together, so when im gone, they will have something to remember me by.
Memories, nah, sometimes they are just not enough.
"A picture can tell a thousand words."
Of course, im oso gonna keep a copy, so when i get cremated i can bring along my memories, captured on paper. who knows, maybe when i go to the other world, items that goes along with u can stay with u? better safe than sorry, yah?

i will spend 95% my money and make my loved ones happy.
i would eat all my favourite food and do my favourite things.
i would do things i have always been wanting to do but keep putting off, for instance, i will play a game with my teammates, even for a while.
i would tell all my loved ones i love them, and to forgive the ones i hate.
i would be tactfully honest to ppl, because i tink they deserve to have an honest, no-holds-barred opinion of themselves.
i would spend my last hour with them, so i can die among people i love, and i will tell them not to tear for me, because i am glad they are able to accompany me till my final hour.

at the same time, i would like to say i will not spend the last 5% of my money, because, one can always hope for a miricle.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 1:08 am.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

MISSING PARCEL - PART II

i take back wat i told kenneth the other day, saying recieving money would be abit better than presents cos i can do wat ever i do with the money.

i take it back. i swear! i love presents equally! now, can i have my shared parcel from my vballers and frens?!

its been like, 3 weeks. and i havnt received it yet.
im DEPRESSED.

Week 1 - i walk to the office to see if there was any parcel for me. i was full of hope and excitment. nope, there wasnt. but im still optimistic. 1st week only ma.

Week 2 - i walk to the office to see if there was any parcel for me. i was still hoping and excited. nope, there wasnt. i was slightly disappointed but well, although it normally takes 1 week for parcels to arrive, the standard is 2 weeks. so its still within the time frame. thou i felt slightly like a balloon being deflated slowly.

Week 3 - i walk to the office to see if there was any parcel for me. now its past the standard time frame. every day i come up from the office empty-handed, i feel like someone poured a bucket of "Disappointment" on me and i got drenched in it. now, instead of feeling like a balloon being deflated slowly, i feel like someone used a sharp needle and poked on the balloon. so, instead of being let down slowly and gently, its like a bubble that goes pop!.

im D E P R E S S E D .
im serious.

G I N W E N Z
N E E D S
H E R
P A R C E L .

I T ' S
H E R
N E W
D R I V E .

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 2:06 pm.

its all wrong

Wenz feels like/is a deflated balloon in the day, when she is supposed to be attending classes and doing her work.

Wenz is an energizer bunny in the night, when the sun has set and all the good kids have gone to bed.

Wenz needs help.

With 3 more weeks to exams,
Therapy, anyone?

(p/s: note the time this is posted.)

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 4:17 am.

Monday, May 15, 2006

MISSING PARCEL - PART I

WENz WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE HELL HAS HER PARCEL DISAPPEARED TO!

WENz WANTS TO KNOW WHY THE HELL DOES HER PARCEL, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE FOR HER 21ST BIRHDAY, HAS TO GO MISSING?!

WENz WANTS HER PARCEL NOW!

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 8:04 pm.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

why do things have to end when they have jus started?

why do things have to end when they just start?! anyway, here in Ozland, i play social league and its with this bunch of people. been the same few since wat, 1 and half years ago. jus when im jus getting comfy with them all and getting used to them and being frens, Pat had to tell me she is leaving tis sem. =(
i met Pat only last yr, when she joined in the vb social league. i didnt get to really tok to her or hang out with her. i dont know her really well but after so long, i feel the chemistry. then, she had to call me jus now and tell me she is going home end tis sem! but actually its next next week!!!!! cos her units tis yr dun have end-sem exam.

WHen im starting to know her abit better and talk to her more.
When im starting to get used to her vb style.
When the whole team is starting to get this "mo-qi" on court.
WHen i start to treat the social league ppl as MY TEAM, as the special US.
When i start to get really comfy hanging out with her.

THen, Pat had to leave. im glad she is graduating..glad as a fren. sad becos jus when i tot a frenship is about to start, it had to end.

Thanks for the laughs we had, those few times. thanks for playing the social league with us.
really like u alot. (ok, now i sound like les. haha!)

I shall miss you, Pat.
We shall all miss you.
Have a great life back home.
will catch up with u officially in 2 and a half yrs' time, if tings go well for me. =)

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 3:33 pm.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Where do u find Motivation?

What is MOTIVATION? MOTIVATION = n 1: the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior. (thanks to dic.com)

Motivation is someting foreign to me nowadays. not to say i was a highly motivated individual in the past, i know towards studies im not. but at least i had volleyball thou. it was my drive. now, i duno what motivates me anymore. im not too sure anticipating to go home counts or not. i guess it doesnt count, becos im not motivated.

wat drives me? noting. at least i tink im jus going with the flow. i hate not being in control of my life. i WANT to be motivated, be in control, but im NOT.

i need help. i need help to find motivation. i need motivation.

MOTIVATION, PLEASE DO NOT ELUDE ME.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 7:18 pm.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

pics of bdae prez!

anyway, these are pics of my bdae prez. from Mum, Lun and the Ozland ppl. thanks everyone! thanks to Ozlandpeople who made the special effort to celebrate for me on tis day..

all my bdae presents so far. yay!

the balloons Ozlanders got for me. i love it!

my bdae prez to myself. hah. its abit pathetic, to get myself 2 sch "PE" t-shirts. hah. but i tink it looks kinda cool. and i need an excuse to get myself such "useless", "not really worth it" shirts. it costs Au$17.50. some one told me, eh, jus pay abit more can get a more branded Nike t-shirt or someting. thanks. jus when im quite satisfied with my buy, u had to point tat out to me. =P

i so feel the sch spirit. haha

what esther made for me. my name in a block of chalk. isnt she creative?! but too bad, v fragile leh... =(

Ozlanders!

Presents from Ozlanders!

perfume. Echo Woman by Davidoff.

Blue Puma Sports Watch!

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 11:06 pm.

cont part I...

Stuff from mum and family.

From Mum!

The Campus SUperstar DVD. mum and dad recorded for me so i can watch! i feel so loved... heh.. and gosh, do i miss spore tv shows!!

The bdae card from family.

Bdae angpow.

It came in this!

From lun.

And these are from Lun! yay!

The funky belt. I love it. too bad i need to punch 1 more hole into it before i can wear. cant wait but wat to do...

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 11:00 pm.

cont part II...

Brasil Puma shirt from lun!

THIS cd-rom made me cry buckets can!? lun made it all for me and it's a collection of memories and wishes from her. love it to the max. one of the bestest and most treasured present i shall ever recieve.

this cute fridge magnet i got. i dun want to break her heart, but i here no fridge or anywhere to stick tis leh. haha...

and it came in this.

shirts for birthday.

lovely e-card from pat. when i get my hands on a color printer im gonna print tis out!

Hand-picked apples from kenneth. i asked for the reddest,cutest ones! really looks very nice and dream-like. cannot bear to eat. told kenneth tat and wise words from him. "if u don't eat, its gonna spoil." yes yes, point noted. but still sitting pretty on my table thou.. haha

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 10:25 pm.

update on lovely lunch date with Esther, danny and june on bdae

ok, finally i treated danny to THAT lunch i promised, like 8 weeks ago. i lost a bet with him. i betted with him i wun get more than a pass for my bio 102.. n i lost rather badly. its good, im not complaining thou. and i tot, since its lunch anyway, ppl need to eat. so i jio-ed a couple of ppl along.. like, i see who then randomly ask lor..
in the end, i jio-ed es and june. we went taka to eat. after tat utopia for bubble tea! i enjoyed myself tremendously tat day.. it was fun.
june is a joker too! finally, a kindred spirit. haha.. but i may be upstaged by her thou. she oso has got her fair share of lame jokes. haha.. we jus sat in utopia and laugh can?! heh....

anyway, pics from tat day.

p/s: look at the print on june's shirt. i want tat! its another shirt from nike's Love Life! series. ive got the DRINK LOTS OF WATER.she's got the DON'T EAT JUNK FOOD. but i cannot find tat one liao. sad....

lovely marshmallow bdae cake from esther... bubble tea for us!

we didnt have 21 candles... so, i got danny and esther to lend me their fingers.. haha
that straw was poked there by june-aka-keira knightly-look-alike... haha.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 9:48 pm.

long time no post...

felt so tired after last week. still feeling very tired now. its more of a physical thing. im always tired and feel like sleeping. hah.
so unmotivated nowadays. i cannot stop snacking. its evil. snacks are evil. i am actually fat. gosh. that word n me have never existed in the same sentence before i come to Ozland. but now. it's an everyday ting. i hate it. and i jus cannot seem to bring myself to study. exams are in a month's time. and will all the assignments coming up, im so screwed. =(

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 9:19 pm.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

on my 21st birthday, i would like...

i would firstly like to wish myself a happy 21st birthday.

Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me.

im 21 today, officially an adult. tis means, i have to go to jail for doing wrong tings.
tis means, i can no longer get away with things.
tis also means, i am legally responsible for my actions!
in the eyes of law, i am a full-fledged adult. but to my parents, im still their little girl. people celebrate 21st birthdays to mark the passing into adulthood. me - i have decided to wallow in self-pity cos its cold and its abit lonely with no familiar foods and smells and sights and people to accompany me on this day.
ppl back home are making a big hoo-haa over their 21st, with parties and celebrations. me here, i simply want to pretend may4th dun exist becos its gonna be such a sad affair. not to say the ppl here are not nice. they are a fantastically nice bunch. its jus, the 21st bdae party i have always envisioned is NOT HAPPENING. I have already thought of the people whom i will NOT invite. Now, the ppl i WOULD INVITE if i were to hold a party would NOT be invited too. simply put, its like a wet blanket on my many hrs of fantasizing over my 21st.

Dear Birthday Fairy, on my 21st birthday, i tink im entitled to make birthday wishes.
So, here goes!
My birthday wishes :
Be more responsible and reliable.
Be a teeny-weeny bit more mature.
Kick my habit of being late.
Able to wake up in the mornings for class.
Sleep early.
Lose that flabby tummy and arms and thighs.
Be a nerd and get good grades.
Be healthy.
Be happy.
Able to carry a tune to save my life.
Improve my vb skills.
Listen more, speak less.
Be more tactful.
Have more money.
Have more autonomy.
Have better skin.
Have body coordination.
Succeed in whatever i set my mind into doing.
Determination.
Keep my frens, make new frens.
Have a good lovelife. haha.

Is it too much to ask for? i hope not. well, i guess if i HAD to summerise, i jus want a smooth-sailing yr and i don't mind not having much "Moments" to remember by. I'm not greedy. i wan to live normally, with a smooth-sailing study carrer, smooth-sailing frenships and relationships, smooth-sailing, successful fight-the-fat campaign plus that extra few tings here and there. im not wishing for the stars nor the moon. its noting unattainable, yet, sometimes, some tings would need a miricle for it to happen. like the frenships part - its not only ME, its the others as well, get wat i mean?
some ppl tell me, 21st yrs liao, mus grow up. i smiled. but i dun tink growing up is impt. wat matters is u evolving into a better person. i mean, i LOVE my dad to bits and he sometimes say lame tings. does it mean he is not grown up? nope, he is jus being the best he can at tat point of time, be it jus to lighten the atmosphere or to show his other side. therefore, instead of wishing i would growup, i wish to learn how to behave appropriately at the right times. yup, i tink thats more impt.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 6:14 pm.

As i look back on my 21 yrs...

i guess age 21 is a step into adulthood and i would like to take tis time to reflect on my life so far. as i look back on my 21 years of history, i had some good memories, some bad ones, some regrets, some proud moments.
i was born on May 4th, 1985, a 3am-ish baby... i didnt have much of a childhood, and not as many childhood frens as i liked. cos i wasnt brought down to the playgrounds much i guess... hang on a minute! where i stay, there wasnt a playground nearby. haha.. i guess that says for y i didnt have much of a childhood. attended PAP kindergarden near my house... had some frens but is not in contact with any of them. i dun even remember their names, much less their faces! i guess they didnt make much of an impact on me anyway... heh.
and we had homework back then. i was taken care of by a nanny who stayed in my block. i made her do my homework for me! i was quite evil back then. i swear! maths and chinese... which is y from pri sch i didnt have much of a headstart cos i was jus lazy. and when i DID my work, i was damn bloody S L O W can! sigh... i guess that sorta predicted wat direction my studies would take le...

then, i went to Jurong Primary Sch. it was my dad's pri sch and i guess its downhill for my entire pri sch career. hah. i was in class 1G and i had a couple of "frens". they were frens alright. up till primary 4. i didnt know wat went wrong man. they werent the best kind of frens but at that age, i tot they were the best. (wat was i tinking?!) we didnt do homework together, we made excuses together, we did all the bad tings together. haha. we covered up for each other! if by pri sch standards there was such a ting called "bad influence", i guess it was them. or jus us... the bad tings jus rubbed on each other... haha... they werent bad people i guess, but it was unfortunate for all of us. if only we had not cliqued together. if only we had more studious frens each. but if only huh... =)
then we took sch bus together. did u noe, even at that age, we had politics! in the sch bus we had these seniors and they "ruled". i offended tis snr. i tot she was over-bearing. i told her off and she wasnt happy. she was smart. she got one of them to deal with me. tis "fren" SY, (gosh, i still remember their names?!) went up to me one day and slapped me. it wasnt tat pain, at least i didnt remember it being that pain, but it hurt. the contact point was my face but the place where it hurt was my heart. i was near traumatised can?! i was like, wat the hell was tat?! i later found out thru XE the whole story. suffice to say, tat day was the last day i ever looked her properly in the eye. XE still hung out with her, so to avoid SY, i didnt tok much to her either. n u noe, i spent 4 yrs with them. by then everyone had their own frens, own cliques. it was hard for me to join in. n from pri1 to pri4, i was jus smoking my way thru... i didnt put much effort in studies and its good proof that wat u do,( or DIDNT) will come back to haunt u. wat i dont noe jus accumulate la! haha.. i was always struggling with studies.
i tink im one of the few ppl in spore to not get all As in pri1. its damn throw face can! but i pulled my socks up in pri4 and i got into class 5C. it was the best ting tat happened to me. it was a good EM2 class. it was a chummy class. we worked hard together. we played hard together. we had good class spirit. we had fun working hard together! we didnt have much "clique" ting going, the whole class was THE clique! i got close to this girl called E. we hung out together and we were the best of frens. i was glad! she was like me, i guess. by then English was my pet subject and i was loving it. E's english was good too and tat was wat binded us together at 1st i guess. u guys may not believe it, but i was a Banana back then. serious lor. totally.
then pri6 i didnt do as well and i dropped to class 6D. things there were not that happening. the class spirit etc wasnt there but it was more or less alrite, i guess. During then, i had tis group of very good frens, all guys but all we were the bunch man! i didnt share much secrets with them, but they made good company. then a moment had to happen again. its when we got back our term1 english results. by then, it was evident who were the ppl leading the english marks in class le.it was E, with me and a few others leading the way. everyone was expecting who to get the best marks for english, it was E of cors! so when teacher gave the papers back,( it was in order of marks), i was NOT expecting my name 1st. so i was tokin to fren next to me, totally in our world. Jinwen. talk talk. Jinwen! continue tokin. JINWEN! oh! i went up, got my paper, saw my marks. i was damn happy la! it was a high mark, i remembered. i did one of the most stupid ting in my 12 yrs. i went up to E and asked her, so, how did u go?! i didnt notice her upset face. i found out later i got better marks than her. she didnt speak to me tat day. nor the next. nor the next next. i didnt dare to bug her, tot giving her space was wat she needed. she tot i was being snobbish. she wrote me letters saying how fake she tot i was. @$#%@!%? wat the?!
up till now, i only suspect its that incident, i didnt confirm with her. cos it was after that day tings soured. and tat sums up my pri sch life. oh ya! mum sent me for piano lessons when i was pri2. i got as far as grade1. haha! cos the teacher made me draw the notes and i HATED it. i refused to draw and during my lessons when i could play the piano, she made me do my work. its a vicious cycle. thats when i decided to tell mum i had enuf. and tats tat! i regreted tat. stupidest decision ever made. now i see ppl play the piano and im drop-dead envious can. the music can never flow out from my fingers. =(

i went to Jurong Secondary School. i got into volleyball and student council. i would like to take tis chance to say a "Thank you" to the teacher-in-charge for choosing me. being in the volleyball team gave me close frens i otherwise couldnt meet. it let me meet xinlun and she is my best fren now. thru vb i oso got to noe ppl like leeying, min etc etc, u noe who u r. =) i oso got introduced to the fantastic game of volleyball and ive been hooked ever since. Its my passion, i'd say. but i didnt have a smooth-sailing or an even near ok vb career. i tink e teacher and coach condemned me. serious. granted, i wasnt a talented player. but looking back, i can safely say i gave my 110%. i knew i wasnt favoured, which is y i wanted even more to prove my worth. i was almost sacked like 3 times in 4 yrs can! i dun tink i was THAT bad, but i wasnt good either. i guess its a confidence thing to start with. then its a skill ting. it was a vicious cycle. i played a bad ball. my confidence is wrecked. i keep tinkin bout tat. then the next ball came n i couldnt forget my bad ball and i was flustered. i gave another bad ball. n on and on it went. i guess i cant blame the TIC for overlooking me. after all, we had a tradition to uphold. we are the TOP vball team in spore. how do u tink we got that far every yr?! well, the secret is out. we focused on the top few. the rest were not even reserves. the rest were jus ball-pickers to support the top 7 or 8. but tat worked. it got us the dream top 8. but it also meant it pulled the difference btw a good player and lousy player even bigger. well, guess it was jus bad luck for me. but i hate my TIC for another reason. p/s : it takes alot for me to hate someone but i HATE her.
v suay, she was also my house mistress. i sprained my ankle during training in sec2. but that was after i got chosen to represent my house for High jump, Long jump and Triple jump. i tot, finally, somewhere i could prove my worth! then i had to sprain my ankle. i didnt want to do the warmup for vb after 1 week of rest. felt my ankle couldnt take it. so, the evil TIC cancelled my name from ALL 3 events, telling me, "since u still injured i get someone else to jump for me." She striked my name out from the list IN FRONT OF ME. can i jus say there was still a good 1 monthe away from the sports day???! I WAS ONLY 14 YRS OLD CAN?! I WAS TRAUMATISED. sch sports day - ALL my teammates were out there competing. i was at the spec stand. i cried my eyes out can. for the rest of my 4 yrs, cos in the 1st place i duno the proper techniques to jump, i can never catch up with the others.n so i didnt take part in sports day for the whole 4 yrs. then u noe the sports ppl were to get selected to rep sch for intersch track meet. amg the 12 vballers, im the only one who the teacher-in-charge left out. he said it was an ACCIDENT. i tot, WHO ARE U TRYING TO KID? so coincidental one meh?! when the other 11 of them went to JJ to learn the proper techniques for their event, i was picking balls for my jnrs can. i was ALONE. where do u expect me to put my face?! ive got my pride too u noe. THANKS Ms Ng for doing the ONLY best thing u have ever done. it was to choose me to get into the volleyball team. without u doing that, i can never ever meet my wonderful frens, many still close to me after 8 yrs. =) THANKS Ms Ng for putting me thru such trauma. becos of tis experience, i guess i've grownup abit. i learnt that ppl can be EVIL. THANKS Ms Ng for letting my childlike me disappear tat early on. THANKS for letting me see the ugly side of the adult world. jus THANKS ALOT for putting me thru that CRAP.
i was a flag-raiser/lowerer for my 4 yrs. it was an honour. i didnt noe who chose to slot my name in for tat but im glad u did! =) it was special, each yr had only 2. i was one of them. YAY! becos of that, i didnt have to sing the national anthem, ever. hehe... but sad to say, i dun really noe how to sing it now. i didnt work as hard as i could have in sec1-2, busy with my vb i guess. i went to class 3/1,4/1. in academic terms, it was the worst kind of class, but in there i met my other grp of best frens. we worked hard together and had fun together. they were guys again. Shah and Eusoff and Kwaylin and Seow. but im better with Shah n Seow. Together we make JSS. Jin,Shah,Seow. haa.thou we have more or less drifted apart now but i noe deep down in our hearts we will be the best of frens. i still remember the times we spent studying together at NYCC. it was a gd memory, we sprinted to the finish together, with helping hands here and there, from time to time.
i got into Jurong Junior College then. I had the bestest 2 yrs of my schooling life. it rocked! i was in 02S19. see! i still remember! i hung out with this clique, all girls. we were mad. we were always almost late for lects, we were rushing ard. we had fun. we enjoyed ourselves tremendously! it was also in jc which the teacher, MrTay gave me a chance to prove my worth in Vb. i got into main6! hehe. tat was one of my proudest moment. finally i didnt have to pick balls. i had a chance to shine. i guess i sorta shone for a while but im not greedy.that will be a memory i would treasure forever. my team for j1nj2 didnt win anyting. i was a slight disappoinment. we were SO CLOSE in yr1. but it doesnt matter cos i know i had sweated and worked for it. it was effort.(not in the ball-picking sense.) it was someting i did, not lending someone else's name and getting the honour too. i oso got into SPore Combined Schs team for 1 yr. tat was another PROUD MOMENT. from diggin with the chickens to finally being able to be an eagle and soar the skies, even for a while was good enuf for me. i got a WEST ZONE and SCH COLORS for it. that was an achievement, all by myself. =) i oso had a bunch of great snrs in VB and im glad to god for putting them in my path. they made vb sessions even more enjoyable. =) i oso met my boy in J1. he was my snr. he's sweet and lovely and he makes a good companion. we are still together after 4yrs. its a long time and i hope to have a lovely ending to it. (or not end at all!) =) i love u!
then. i tried, thou lookin back i could have tried even even harder. i didnt get into local U and tats a major regret for me. if only i had put in more effort in studying. if only i didnt sleep for that extra 2hrs. if only. if only. i wasnt lazy but i could have been more hardworking i guess. its a huge pity i didnt make it to local U. it has always been my dream and it still is. to feed my ego, i might consider taking a post-grad degree after i grade from UWA to say i ever grad from a local U. call me brand-conscious. call me silly. but to satisfy my ego and do tis which is wat i have always wanted, i really might. jus indulge in me, ppl and not be so quick to judge - im sure u have tings u MUST do anyway. mine is jus to graduate from a local U. =)
now im in UWA and ive got my own life here. ive got great frens, ppl i MUS mention are Esther n Jean. thanks for being there when i needed it. thanks to HM family. u guys really helped me fit in better. thanks to the currie hallers, for providing the company i needed, home away from home. frens who live out, Sam and gang , thanks for the fun times we had! ive got tons of names here, u guys noe who u r! if i left anybody out, its unintentional. i swear!
now, im 21 yrs old and counting... life goes on. no time for regrets because life can only be understood backwards but mus be lived forwards. tings will happen. "Moments"will occur. Shit will happen.
Let me have the strength to deal with all of them. and may tings be smooth-sailing for me and everyone else.
Love ya all. and for anyone reading tis post, thanks for stayin with me thru-out! its a long long LONG post! heh

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 4:39 pm.

Your Birthdate: May 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined.
Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation.
Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you.
You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively.

Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics

Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness

Your power color: Navy blue

Your power symbol: Shield

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I Think/Say :
I'm neither very moral to speak of, nor responsible nor disciplined. Well, i try to be as sincere and honest as i possibly can, cos i tink, ppl with eyes can tell if u r sincere/honest or not, so no pt trying to hide it.I am not focused, thou sometimes driven for the wrong reasons. haha. I ALWAYS let emotions get the better of me. i WOULD LIKE to be level headed and rational. (in-progress. haha)
BUT.
I agree on wat they say bout my STRENGTH and WEAKNESS.

Dear boys and girls, ppl who noe me. Wat do u tink of this little test? i tink, we shd take it with a pinch of salt, cos as u can see, i tink half of it is wrong. but pls, help me review and see if it describes me, ok?

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 12:37 am.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

die la

jus woke up from a 3 hr nap. ive got a 10% quiz tml which i have not started studying for.im not lazy, jus drop dead exhausted. im so dead.

on the other hand, i have not felt so lonely in the cold, ink-dark nite in so many days. guess its the sense of helplessness i've been feeling for the past weeks and with me chasing the time constantly and knowing Miss Time is always ahead.

I'm a time bomb waiting to explode.

I've got too much in me.

I need to get it out.

After tomorrow, it's a good day's rest for me.

Rest is preparation for the long journey ahead.

It helps to talk, when it hurts too much to scream.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 10:43 pm.

Love Story.

Let me tell u a love story, about two ordinarily ordinary people.

Girl meets Boy.
Girl falls in love with Boy.
Boy is super charming and funny and all the qualities to make an interesting and loving partner.
Girl and Boy have been together for ages.
Time passes.
Boy, more often than not, is always busy with other things.
Girl feels lonely.
Girl thinks too much.
Girl feels abit tired.
Girl starts feeling insecure.
Boy feels tired.
Boy wants to have his own life.
Boy has other priorities as well.
Boy feels like not enough space is given to him.
Girl is immersed in Her own world.
Boy is immersed in HIS own world.
The lack of communication is tearing them apart.
In the world with handphones and email and telephones and msn and snail mail, why does Boy still go missing in action?
In the world with handphones and email and telephones and msn and snail mail, is Girl really expecting too much?

Qn. When did Girl's and Boy's shared playground diverge into two seperate parallel lines? Where was the happily-ever-after ending Girl have always dream of? Have the lines really become parallel? Is there any way to turn things round?

Qn. Does happily ever after, as in the fairy tales, really exist?

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 1:57 am.

It's like sunshine on a gloomy day.

I ALWAYS say,
You Make Time For What's Important To You.

I mean, look. its true. u've got an important test tomorrow. you make the time to study for it so u would'nt fail too badly. your frens ask you out for shopping. of cos, if u r hard pressed for time and assuming you're a rather normal person who prioritize, and its an important test, u will reject them and stay indoors to study.
SEE? Perfect example of making time for wats impt.
Boys and girls, im sure there are alot more examples u can tink of... apply tis to ur daily life.
do NOT assume that THAT 1 minute spent on that person makes no difference, because, trust me, it DOES.
when u grow older, if u realise that u are at the bottom of the priority list, every second and minute someone spends on u makes a HUGE difference. Its like sunshine on a gloomy day.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 1:37 am.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

1 down, 1 more to go

jus had my BioMech quiz today. it wasnt as hard as i imagined it to be, but its not as simple and in-ur-face as i hoped. most of it were theory qns n i would tink its pretty do-able. BUT, for every quiz of some sort, Moments Had to happen to ME. so, the story of today's quiz is, i had to be BLIND again. after the quiz, a bunch of us were like, "u noe tis qn.. the one bout the diver?" i was like, ya, i noe! they went "the qn says the board is 10m long and 5m high rite? etc etc." I WAS STUNNED. I went, "Hello?! can u guys repeat the qn again?!" and so, nice ppl they are, they repeated it. And. it turned out i knew wat qn they were toking about. And. It turned out i WASNT aware there was a 5m COMPONENT to it. thanks alot, my lovely eyes and small brain. AND, its not the only qn where my blindness overtook the smarter me. THANKS ALOT. but regardless of my silly mistakes and cock-eyeness, i still hope to get at least a 7%. haha. JuneNg had to remind me, eh, 7% means getting 21qns out of 30qns correct leh. im like, oh ya. let me get more than 6 then. haha. but seriously, being the greedy me, i want more than 7%, But i'll be jus happy if i dun fail tis. =)

i've got a Bio quiz this coming thurs and its a breather for me for, wat, 1 week. cos the next next week, i have to hand in a PA questionnaire worth 10%. but im taking tings one at a time...

Jiayou, Wen! u can do it! afterall, u have survived (barely) the gruelling education system back home. You're made of sterner stuff than u tink u are! Yay! okie, back to books n notes!
Jiayou!(clapclap) Jinwen!(clapclap) Jiayou!(clapclap) Jinwen!(clapclap)

[Editor's Note : Ohhh look! the power of self-denial and positive thinking...]

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 7:38 pm.

Monday, May 01, 2006

inspired

am tokin to lun now. she is showing me the pics her fren took. wat can i say, other than "It took my breathe away." jus browsed thru some pictures but i already can see a talented person waiting to get discovered and soar higher. wish him luck n success!
www.grapey.com
inspired by his pictures, i might give my camera a workout one of these days when im free... i've got this concept - to capture the moment when the girl and the guy walk away from each other. it will be a sad picture. i hope to capture the feeling of sadness and unwillingess to seperate in the couple. it will be an autumn picture, with falling maple leaves and a small pond at one corner. i can almost see the picture in my mind's eye. but where do i find ppl willing to help me with me mini-project?! AND im a super amature can. i've got the concept but no skills n no tools. i would very much love to draw the scene out, EXCEPT, i cannot draw to save my life. sigh.
so many things to do. so many tings that cannot be done. of cos, u say, by putting ur heart n soul in it, nothing is impossible. i guess its true for some cases. me, i prefer to be realistic. such tings need heart and soul and patience and hard work AND TALENT one, hao ma?! some things are jus NOT meant to be! accept the fact.

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 10:17 pm.