It's Not As Bad As It Seems;

Monday, September 19, 2005

Spring Break!

have not posted for so so long... the past week have been sorta like a blur for me.. time really past so so fast... in the blink of an eye... i have only about 9 weeks more to home... now.. i suddenly dun feel like going home so soon.. cos before that, there are EXAMS... and oh, how unprepared i am for that.. tis time round, i MUST get all Distinctions and above.. i have got some catching up to do... i want to get honours here... after all the distance... 1 more year, yet it shows much more than just a degree... it is a confirmation... so... i have great plans for my this 2 weeks spring break! ( i always have great plans.. as usual... heh) i have to put in at least 90 hrs of man hours to study and catching up.. my grades arent all tat bad.. but still.. last semester's experience was enough... gosh.. it was the most most horrible exam ever... i had to cram 1 semester's work in a matter of 14 days! and its 4 subjects... mind you.. tis time round i want to start revision early... the syllabus seems harder this time round... but i wan to do well too.. because i am sick and tired of losing to other people... cant be tat i am last in every race, can i? heh... so pls, dear frens and family.. give me strength to carry on the fight and along the way, do not get waylaid by trival tings like solitaire and online chinese stories or jewellry making or sleep or wats not.. heh...

and yes.. i plan to get my waist back before i go back to singapore! pls pls let me stop procrastinating and start doing someting! heh...

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 2:37 am.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

gosh, i feel like slapping myself awake sometimes...

i noe i shouldnt live in the past but i jus cant help myself.. its getting more and more irritating.. it feels like in livin in a world full of yesterdays.... gosh... i feel like someone who does not find anyting worthwhile to live for... i am not like that... i treasure my life alot.... and i also try to enjoy myself too... jus tat...

sometimes....

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 9:44 pm.

NOSTALGIA

Supposed to be studyin now.. have got an OB quiz to do before tonight.. but here i am.. on the internet.. was browsing thru friendster jus now.... reading ppl's profiles and looking at the pictures... there were 2 pictures that made my heart ache. it hurts so badly but at the same time u noe there is nothing u can do about it.. what is in the past will not come back to u, no matter how hard u wan it to. time will continue to come and go, no matter how much we want it to stop. we can never turn back the clock, regardless of how hard we wish it to be... Treasure Every Moment, because never in this life will the same situations happen in the same settings, with the same set of ppl and the same feelings. things change, ppl change.. we age with time and in the end, we only have our memories to remind us of the happier times and the sad.
the 1st picture i came across was a picture from Huiyi's friendster.. we were not close at all, but tats not the zhong dian. the zhong dian is, she was Hanting's ex-classmate, who is my cuz. she posted a picture of her, Hanting and their group of frens, with the picture titled, "Hanting's 22nd Birthday" or someting like that... when i saw Hanting's face, i dun noe y but tears came to my eyes. its like seeing a familiar face suddenly and for a moment, i did not know how to react. That's when i realised, thou i have been here for 1 sem le, and the 2nd sem is underway, this feeling seemed to be.... Homesick. or a better word, nostalgia.
The 2nd pic that i saw was from xiuyi's friendster. i wasnt close to her at all too... but she is my eternal idol cos she plays vball so damn well.. i tink i am her fan or someting like tat lor.. (n no, i am not a lesbian). was jus lookin at the pictures she posted and i saw this picture of her with a whole group of ppl, wearing vball attire, no doubt taken b4 or after some training or comp. in the pic, i saw her and a few of my juniors. that picture represented a life i always desperately wished i had/can live but no... i didnt get my wish in the end and now this wish shall never be fulfilled. because i am here. because i am not living a normal singapore vb girl life. i am living a life as a foreign student in some foreign country with foreign frens and food. vballers i noe, they are still playing vb. i dunno if its cos its their passion or watsoever but the fact is, they are living a life i wished to bits i was living. they are studyin in the day and training in the nite. they are training to towards a goal. the inter-varsity games. thinking back, i always looked forward to training and there was never a time i loath training.. and the tougher the training got, the happier i am... i am not mad but i am jus savouring the good times i am having...to appreciate the feeling and enjoying the feeling to the max. mayb it was then i already noe that my vb training and playing games days were to end soon... call me vain, but i really like to wear the vb shorts and jersey... (san jiao ku), cos wearing tat makes me feel i am really living and breathing the sport i love so much. its jus the proper attire and it gets me into the proper mood. but never will i get to wear the same attire with the same group of girls, working towards the same goal. be it the sec sch team or the jc team, it doesnt matter. no matter how outcast i was in any point of time, it was with U Girls that i feel i truly belonged. Thanks to everyone who, at some point in my v lousy and somewat limited sporting life, gave me an encouraging word or phrase or look. thanks to all my beloved teammates who made me feel a sense of belonging and even for a while, a sense of security because i noe in the end, it is vb that will bind us all together.. the days in JSS vb team... even thou i was a ballpicker,i had fun with the frens i made and during the training sessions where i wasnt condemned by the coach or teacher. we always had the same uniform or the more correct word would be attire, down to our socks and shoes.. we were not an uniform group, but i feel we are more "uniform" than any uniformed group in sch. i could always walk ard in sch with my head up, cos i noe WE were somebody. I may b a ballpicker, but i am still part of the vb team. the days in JJC vb team... yr1 was the best yr that could ever happen to me.. it was the yr i was actually playing in the team.. not jus a ballpicker... it felt great. we were not so uniformed and not so united but there were tis bunch of us who were from jss and we looked out for each other and bonded with each other. we did not get nearly as far as the JSS team but we were happy. i was happy. i managed to stay with the combined schs for a while and it was a terrific feelin as it is a form of recognition, even for a while. yr2 wasnt that great. i got injured b4 the start of the games and tings have never been the same as the yr before... i lost my touch, or wats little of my touch, and i couldnt find it back in time for the games.. i didnt play much in yr2. it was sad.. its over now.. all these times... but sometimes, i will accidentally tink about and it will sometimes bring a smile to my face... sometimes a slight tear to my eye... it is over... but still... memories are wat linger.... like the musty smell of the locker rooms... u can detect a faint smell there, even when the balls and shoes and kneepads have been vacated.....

NOSTALGIA
1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
2. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.
(thanks to Dictionary.com)
A perfect description of wat i am/was feeling... thou i cant decide if i a feelin more of "A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past" or " Homesick"...
guess they both are about the same... but, to me... its 2 different thing and feeling altogether....

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 7:21 pm.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Ahah! Guess Who CALLED?

heh,... gosh.. i have such great frens i cant stand it! ahah! min called me jus now la! i am so so soooo gan dong! =P heh... she said she suddenly remembered she have not tok to me in a long long longgggg time and tada! she decided to gimme a call to tok to me! i feel so xing fu and blessed to have such great frens.... suddenly i jus knew.. i am not alone. even thou on the surface i seem to b alone, i have such great frens back home tat i jus noe that i am nvr really abandoned... there is always daddy n mummy, my 2 irritating bros and nice housekeeper who all love me! (thou i cant confirm bout my 2 bros thou... heh), My Dear who dotes on me alot alot, Lun who is always there when i need her, my beloved teammates who always seem to shower me with love care and concern, and surprise phonecalls.. Gosh i really really love them! and of cos there is SS bros.. thou we are not toking as much le i still feel v v attached to them... i swear.. they are the best kinds of guy bestest frens anygal can have.. i am glad i ever met them and they stayed in my life, up till now...thou i mus say, we have tons and tons of catching up to do.. i really mus meet with them when i get back.. the last time was fun but it wasnt enuf.. heh...

Anyway... i jus wanna say thanks to every one who care and love me.. for the ppl in UWA too.. thanks for being my fren... love u guys lots... Muacks.. and gals too of cos!

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 10:38 pm.

The Only Constant is Change

Well...where do i even begin... the only constant is change and while i have always known tis fact, still, to like, experience it now and then is really a wake up call to tell me that things dun always go ur way, and things change. Ppl change whether u like it or not. or sometimes, things still stay the same, no matter how much u want them to change.
Therefore, today's topic is CHANGE.
Things are always changing, from the seasons to the weather, to the ppl we meet, and the food we eat, to the frens we make, to the alliances we break, to the feelings once there, to the places we once sat.
The ting is, when the Change is here, do u still remain the same, do u accept the change or do u do something about it? there are like roughly 3 choices... Which one will u choose to adapt to the Change?
Change happens to every one.. whether u like it or not. Ppl who are ur frens.. they are still ur frens.. but not as close anymore.. Y? cos of Change. they have found someone better to take over ur position in their heart. therefore.. that "special fren" lable in their mind has Changed, from ur name to someone else. Suddenly, that someone (A), is sick. Fren is worried till sick cos A is sick. Fren is concerned for her. All the while u wonder wat all the fuss is about. A is not about to die soon anyway. n does Fren really need to walk in the middle of the night, 12am, jus to give A medicine? well.. i guess if im A i will touched till death. But im not A. therefore, from my point of view, a rather selfish one i mite say, Change has taken place. a Change of status. from the top floor with the best view, to the 2nd top floor with a not quite so nice view.U have been relegated. When that happens.. are u going to remain the same? Eg : still hope tat one day Fren will put u on the top floor again? are u going to accept the Change? Eg : try to tell urself its alrite.. i dun mind being 2nd to someone else. Or, do something about it? Eg : have a good talk to Fren and tell Fren how u feel?
Change.
When things no longer happen the way u are used to. When u realise u cannot perform someting u used to be able to do. Like play ball as well as u used to. Like to play the piano as well as u used to. Like to get as good grades as well as u used to. Like swim as well as u used to? What do u do? what happens when wat used to give u great joy in performin no longer gives u the same amt of satisfaction? U always tot u can play ball relatively well. Well u r wrong. U always tot u can swim well. Well, u r wrong again. what happens when ur perceptions about certain tings Change? do u accept the Change and try to improve or work towards it? or do u hide in a little corner and cry? Does crying help? No. Can crying Change anyting? Nope. Neither does hiding. working hard help? well.. sometimes it does, sometimes it does not. But at least u noe u have tried. working hard sometimes may not Change a ting, but hopefully it may make u feel better.
Change.... What else have i missed out, ppl? feel free to drop me topics to write about...

You Are Unique, Just Like Everyone Else. 7:37 pm.